


couldn't you just have said 'yes'?

by of_dreamdust



Category: London Spy
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-05-05 21:08:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5390474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/of_dreamdust/pseuds/of_dreamdust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny would never admit it – not to Scottie, not to anyone - but the mornings are the worst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	couldn't you just have said 'yes'?

Danny would never admit it – not to Scottie, not to anyone - but the mornings are the worst.

Not to say that the nights are easy, either. God knows he spent more of those awake than asleep, be it on the streets or in his bed. And the days, well. The days are busy. In the daylight, he can occupy his hands, worry about the truth and his own survival. He can reassure Sara, and talk to Scottie.  
It’s the slowness, the quietness of the morning that hits him harder than anything.

Not to say he never slept alone. Alex spent a lot of nights at his own place – probably working on that goddamn thing that now hangs heavy from around Danny’s neck.

Danny used to lie in his bed at night and think how it can’t be real. It’s ironic, really, that he thinks the same thing now, just with a different tone of voice.

It’s just a nightmare, he thinks, and in the morning, when he wakes up, he will call Alex and tell him about the crazy dream he had. Maybe he will laugh a nervous relief from his throat. Maybe Alex will smile too, tell him he worries too much and invite him for breakfast.

It used to be there, that sense of safety. That sense that, even if he wakes up alone, he can call him whenever he likes, and Alex will be there as soon as he manages. 

But it’s gone now, and Danny wishes he can feel something. But whenever he wakes up there’s that first wave of panic, first wave of _he’s gone he’s gone he’s gone_. There’s a moment where he wants to reach for his cellphone, but then the reality sets in. Then he realizes it’s real, and the emptiness sits heavy on his chest.

He’s gone, and it has never been this quiet.

Danny doesn’t move until Sara comes knocking at his door.

“I can’t remember,” he says when she opens it. 

“You can’t remember what, Danny?” she asks, and he wants to hate the pity in her voice, but he can’t. 

“I can’t remember what I said,” he answers.

He remembers the first day when Alex took him for that country walk. He remembers every word they said, he remembers what he promised. 

He also remembers maybe a week later, when they were sitting on his bed and Alex chuckled.

“You see!” Danny beamed. “I told you I’d make you laugh.” 

“That was not really a laugh,” Alex answered, but the corner of his lips lifted a bit again. 

“Liar,” Danny replied, and Alex cast his eyes down. 

“But, doesn’t matter,” Danny continued, and leaned to press a kiss to his cheek. “I’m going to make you laugh again.” 

Alex smiled, and everything seemed to be right.

“I can’t remember what I said that time, you know?” Danny says to Sara, still hovering around his door. “Can’t remember what made him laugh.” 

“Danny…” she whispers, but she doesn’t quite understand. 

Danny breathes in, and lies to himself that he won’t cry.


End file.
